First Class
by MiruKail
Summary: When Cloud mistakes Zack for dead and confesses his love, what happens when the man continues to live? This is for my homies who are sick of Zack death fics and want a little romance.
1. Prologue

A.N: This is my first time writing for this site. Usually my work is posted at another site under "Mibuwolf" but I thought I would give this site a shot...

Thank you to the amazing OmniStrife for beta-ing my work! You've done a beautiful job.

Without further ado, I give you the prologue. (Sorry about the lack of length. The official chapters will be infinitely longer.)

I never want to let you down.  
Forgive me if I slip away.  
All that I've known is lost and found.  
I promise you I'll come back to you one day.

("February Song" by Josh Groban)

Prologue

The rain soaked the wasteland, drenching the once arid sand into mud. Collaterals from the battle scattered across the cliff: broken swords, deserted helmets, and fallen men. Body parts lay strewn across the blood-drenched ground and painted the cliffs a scene of death. The steely grey sky reached out and claimed the empty space above the chaos, flooding the world in a dreary light.

The blonde-haired man dragged himself across the muddy ground, scrambling for purchase on the slippery rocks. The mud soaked into his uniform, turning the once proud black cloth and metal into a dull grey. His body felt heavy and useless but none of that mattered at the moment. His whole world was narrowed to the scene directly in front of him.

Cerulean blue eyes locked onto the still form a few feet away. 'Why? Gaia…' His face crumpled and eyes filled with tears.

His heart was breaking as he struggled across the wide cliff. 'Please don't take him. Let him live.' His mind whispered its internal prayer to the heavens. 'I have to tell him... Gaia, I still need to tell him.'

"Zack." The name fell as a whisper off of his chapped lips, escaping into the dull roar of the rain. He struggled on his hands and knees across the narrow cliff. Each sharp rock seemed to dig into the pale flesh of his palms, shredding the skin.

Pulling himself the rest of the way, he loomed above the fallen soldier. Zack's brilliant blue-green eyes stared into the sky, seeing nothing.

Blood. There was so much blood. It seeped out from around the man's still body, mixing in with the mud and rainwater. Black hair lay in matted, soaked strands against a pale face.

Dirt and blood streaked Zack's face, hiding the small scar on the lower right cheek. His black eyebrows were frozen into a look pain over empty eyes.

Cloud's eyes searched over the man's body, desperately. There was a heart wrenching second where the SOLDIER remained frozen and then, as if sensing light, a spark ignited in his eyes.

Cold-purpled lips curled up into a soft smile, lighting up his face. "Cloud." His expression was grateful. Laugh lines etched the corners of his eyes.

"You're here…" His voice, though still the same lighted-hearted tone Cloud remembered, seemed to falter off. Tightening a gloved hand on the sword still clasped loosely in its grip, the dying man sought an elusive comfort.

The weight of the world lifted off of the blonde's armored shoulders as he stared down in relief at his best friend. "I'll always be here." Cloud echoed, his eyes moving desperately over the planes of Zack's face.

"You're safe. I-I'm…glad. You are…" Zack paused, small shivers wracking his body. He tried to lift his body up but fell back onto the ground, the mud splattering. Each dirty droplet created a spiral pattern on the ground. Breath hitched in the man's throat.

"I am…?" Cloud urged him on. He shook with the knowledge that he would soon lose the one person he loved forever. There was nothing he could do to stop it and he was falling apart.

The fallen SOLDIER gave up words and reached out a battered arm for his friend. His hand latched onto the back of his head and pulled him down, allowing the blonde warrior to bury his face in his armor.

"Live," Zack rasped out, his fingers intertwining into the soaked strands of blonde hair. "You're the evidence that I lived."

Cloud inhaled Zack's scent, memorizing it. He could feel the frantic throb of his heart through the soaked armor. The rhythm soothed him, calling to a broken part of his spirit. If only there was a way he could shed his very skin and sink into Zack. He wanted to burrow deep next to the warrior and never leave.

Zack's arm fell uselessly by his side. Cloud raised his head, finally, uncaring that the man's blood coated his face; a tribute to his secret love. He stared down for a moment at the SOLDIER's face, his own blue eyes etched with pain and understanding.

Zack caught the blonde's dark look and smiled once more before turning his attention to his sword. He lifted the massive blade, its metallic surface rusted with dried flakes of gore. Water trailed down in rivulets from the giant weapon, dampening the leather of his glove. "My life and my dreams," he started, turning his gaze back to Cloud.

Placing the toughened hilt of the sword in Cloud's hands, he pushed the rest of the blade toward him. "Have them all."

Lowering himself back onto the soaked ground, his expression was hesitant.

Cloud grasped the weapon in both of his hands, bringing the hilt close to his chest. "I am the evidence that you lived." His voice broke and the tears he had tried so diligently to hold back broke free. Why? Why did things have to turn out so horribly wrong?

The fallen SOLDIER's expression melted away into one of relief. Full lips twisted into a soft smile and his eyelids slid shut. There was no longer pain on his handsome features. The once scrunched eyebrows had smoothed out into two fine, coal-black arches. The corners of his mouth curved upward in a gentle smile, offering Cloud one final gift. Even the small cross-shaped scar on his cheek seemed to have faded.

Zack was dead.

The rain poured down harder from a wounded sky, like blood after a battle. It was if it thought it could wash the world clean. As if it thought it could take all of the pain and all of the sadness, and let it drown in the purity of itself. But, in the end, rain mixed with dirt is still mud. Wasn't that right?

Cloud's breath exhaled into sobs and he lifted his face toward the sky, allowing the rain to beat down upon his heated flesh. The line between his tears and the sky's lifeblood was meshed, one flowing into the other; much like his and Zack's lives should have been. He wanted to yell and rip at the very sky. Why?!

The pain and sadness proved too much for him to keep locked inside. Cloud screamed. The sound echoed along the rocky cliff and into the valley far below. It flowed into the cold caverns and out between the craggy surface of a boulder, finally reaching the sky itself. The screams eventually faded into wails and the wails into an empty silence.

'Zack… Zack… Zack!' The name repeated like a mantra inside his head, pounding at his brain and breaking his heart.

"I love you! Don't leave me, please! I love you so much…" He voice faded into small whimpers. His hands reached up to his cheeks and dug their nails in. Blood trickled down the exposed flesh, trailing its way to his lips. It stung, bringing him an odd sense of relief. Pain was good.

Cloud stayed locked in that pose for a while, his face carved with disbelief. All of the things he should have told the man lying dead at his side… Those three words that seemed so frozen inside of him before now wanted to escape and never cease. Would the world really care if he were to follow this beautiful man into the Lifestream?

As if answering his unspoken question, the rain finally slowed and then stopped. Delicate streams of light escaped through the easing clouds and fell down onto the earth below. The cliffs illuminated with a beautiful radiance. The pale light coated the most gruesome sights in a filmy layer of ethereal splendor. A rainbow…

The blood on Cloud's face rinsed away, dulling the hurt for a moment. He lowered his tear-swollen blue eyes to the ground and focused on his departed soul mate's body.

The sun warmed Zack's skin, causing his lifeless body to glow in a pale gleam. The light ensconced him in an array of pinks, golds, and blues, giving the hard-edged soldier a soft appearance. It was the Planet's tribute to a good man.

The valley filled with the deep, resonating sound of Zack's voice. It echoed stronger in death than it had been in the last moments of his life. "It's okay, Cloud. Just close your eyes and you'll feel me. So long as you never forget me, I'll be here." The voice faded, the echo following soon after.

Was it his imagination?

A gentle ray of light beat down on Cloud's face. His eyes closed and he nodded. "I'll never forget. I swear it." He paused for a moment before struggling to his feet, bones and heart aching. The sword, being too heavy to lift on his own just yet, dragged in the dirt. "Good night."

His head tilted back and he offered the heavens one last look. His eyes filled with pain and the tears that no longer needed to fall. Lowering his head, he turned away; it was the hardest thing he had ever done.

The sword dragged behind him, leaving trails in the dirt as he stumbled away. Cloud paused once and spoke, as if in after thought. "I love you. Forever."

He started moving, dusty black boots falling heavily onto the earth. They imprinted the ground, leaving behind a fading legacy. His head filled with a dull roar; he failed to hear the soft thump of a faint heart beat.

It stuttered once before picking up strength, pounding out a loud and frantic rhythm. A pair of blue-green eyes flew open. Zack blinked once, clearing the blurriness from his vision before grinning. "You had better keep that promise, Cloud."

By then, Cloud was half way across the desert tundra.

TBC


	2. Return to Me

A.N: My thanks to those of you that reviewed and/or favorited this story. It gives me great honor to be able to present the first official chapter to those of you that have started reading "First Class." Please continue to support this humble author and said story. Thanks again to my wonderful beta, OmniStrife. Great work!

I try  
To go on like I never knew you.  
I'm awake  
While my world is half asleep.  
I pray  
For this heart to be unbroken;  
But without you  
All I'm going to be  
Is Incomplete

("Incomplete" by Backstreet Boys)

Chapter One  
Return to Me

The train rattled and shook as it sped along the track, scenery whipping by through the blurry tint of the window. Zack reveled in the feel of the vibration against his long legs before he jumped to his feet. He had never been the type to deal well with long periods of inactivity. Back when he had still been a wet-behind-the-ears cadet, his commanding officer had jokingly referred to him as an energetic Chocobo on crack.  
Not too far from the truth.

Zack ran a hand through his hair, his mako-enhanced eyes locked onto the sleeping figure before him. Cloud lay tucked in between the end of a seat and the side of the train, his arms wrapped tightly around Zack's buster sword. His sleeping face looked so innocent; so very sad. Blonde eyebrows scrunching up, he whimpered softly.

"Zack…"

The ex SOLDIER crouched down, his heart rate speeding up minutely. The only thing that stood between the two of them was a few seats. He had been spotted?

He risked a glance over at Cloud and sighed in relief. The kid was still asleep; a dream… and by the looks of it, a pretty intense one. He was moaning frantically in his sleep, grinding out Zack's name between each pause. It must have been a nightmare.

Zack frowned. He hated having to hide himself like this. Every fiber of his being called out for him to take the blonde in his arms and never let go. He ached to feel his best friend's body pressed reassuringly against his own, proving that he was, indeed, still alive. He had to constantly remind himself that it was for Cloud's own benefit. If he appeared now, out of the blue, Cloud would fall apart even further. The kid was fragile enough as it was. He didn't want to be responsible for any crisis of faith.

This led to the sneaking around.

Zack snorted. He had to give his friend credit. There had been a few moments over the course of the last three days that he had almost been spotted. The only things that had prevented it were luck, a strategically placed man with an afro, and Cloud's own mental state.

A bell rang, echoing throughout the cramped quarters of the small train car. Cloud's stop would be coming up next and from the way the small blonde was curled up, it didn't look like he would be waking up anytime soon.

If there was one thing Zack was certain of, it was that Cloud needed to complete this trip to Midgar. It just felt… right. There was only one problem. How the hell was he supposed to wake him up without giving himself away?

He would have paid off someone to do it for him but he needed his last few gil to get him to a nearby bank in Midgar. There was only so far an ex SOLDIER, who was supposed to be dead, could go without funds.

The bell rang again, alerting it's passengers of the three minute deadline. His mind racing, Zack looked around the train for a clue as to how to wake up the incapacitated blonde.

An older woman sat on one of the older seats, blowing smoke rings in the face of an acne-covered youth. Fire? Nah, the guards would be on him faster than flies on shit. Sure, he didn't doubt he could fend them off but it would only prove to be a hindrance in the long run.

A group of teenaged girls sat towards the rear of the train, giggling amongst themselves as an old man's gaze lingered on their short skirts with obvious enjoyment: interesting but not helpful.

Fuck.

Zack ran a hand through his hair once again, frustrated. Where was a clue when you needed one? Something bumped into his legs and he looked down. A pair of big brown eyes stared back at him.

"Damn! You is one huge bitch," the little boy proclaimed, proudly. He smiled up at Zack, a few gaps showing in his teeth. The ex SOLDIER blinked once before grinning back at him.

"Funny. That's what my mom said when she was giving birth to me," he joked, winking at the little boy. They stared each other down for a few seconds before the moment was interrupted by a flustered woman.

She ran up to them, her short brown hair falling into her eyes. Grabbing the little boy's hand, the woman flushed with embarrassment. "That was very bad of you, Zackary! You know better!" She scolded the little tike, her face still a bright shade of red.

So, the kid's name was Zackary, too? He stifled a chuckle. Why wasn't he surprised?

She turned to him, bowing deeply in apology. "I am so very sorry, sir. Zackary has a nasty habit of getting himself into trouble. He repeats things he shouldn't, not that I said, um, that," the woman corrected hastily.

Zack grinned. If it had been another time and place, he would have enjoyed teasing the woman to no end. But right now he needed to concentrate on Cloud. "Nah, I'm pretty much used to-"

He cut himself off. An idea was forming in his head, and a smart one to boot. He had a way to wake up Cloud!

"Say, Ms.…?"

"Allisha, sir," she replied, blushing.

He smiled. "Ms. Allisha, would you mind if I borrowed this little guy for a second?" He gestured at the little boy with his chin. "It'll only be a moment, I swear." Throwing every ounce of charm he had into it, he smiled and held his breath.

It must have worked because the woman smiled back at him and nodded, turning an even deeper shade of red.

Zack knelt next to the little boy. Bending down, he whispered in his ear, pointing over at Cloud's slumbering form. "And don't tell him, okay?" he said out loud, his face mockingly stern.

The little boy stared at him for a second before running towards the sleeping blonde. Licking one small finger, he jammed it into Cloud's ear. He wriggled it in before deciding to shout his declaration to the entire train.

"Wake up, Chocobo Head!"

Damn. That kid had a voice that would put any drill sergeant to shame. At least he'd done as Zack predicted.

"Zack!" Cloud cried, jerking awake. His hand tightened protectively around his sword, pulling it close to his chest. He seemed to pause a moment, looking around himself in disorientation. After several long moments, Zack saw his face turn an intense shade of scarlet; the kind of red he turned if he was extremely embarrassed about something. One free hand went to cover the front of his pants, drawing a raised eyebrow from the older man.

'What does he have to be so embarrassed about?' Zack wondered, belatedly remembering to keep himself out of sight. 'And why the hell is he clutching his slacks?'

He watched in amusement as the little boy stuck a finger in his mouth again, prepared to make another attack on Cloud's ear. The blonde still looked embarrassed but it was starting to be won over by a look of confusion.

The ex SOLDIER watched little Zackary's lips move and he narrowed his eyes. That hadn't been part of the plan. What was he saying? He turned his focus to Cloud, trying to gauge the importance of what was being said through his facial expressions. When he saw the blonde's face pale and his big blue eyes widen, he knew he was in trouble.

Stepping back, he ducked behind Allisha, ignoring her questioning look. Placing one finger to his lips to indicate silence, he watched Cloud look around, his face desperate. Guilt gnawed in his chest and nearly made it hard to breathe.

Just then, a voice came over the P.A system, announcing the train's arrival, distracting the blonde. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have now arrived at destination Midgar, Sector Five. Once again, destination Midgar, Sector Five. Please remember to take all pieces of cargo with you. Thank you."

Perfect timing.

Cloud looked up at the flashing sign. Zack saw him sigh once before clambering wearily to his feet. Not once had his hand moved from in front of his pants: still weird but not the most pressing matter at the moment.

The ex SOLDIER'S heart lurched as he watched the blonde give the little boy a strained, bitter-sweet smile. Now was one of those moments where he wanted to say, "fuck it," and soothe his best friend.

His cock lurched at the thought and he mentally cursed himself. Restraining his body, never mind himself, was getting more and more difficult now that he realized Cloud felt the same way about him. That little confession had been the cause of Zack waking up achingly hard each and every morning since his "death."

His damned mind couldn't stop thinking of what it would feel like to have Cloud spread out beneath him and before him; riding him or on all fours. He'd bet his last gil that the blonde would be tight. And hot. Yeah, so very hot, milking his cock until he-

'Whoa, down boy!' Zack shook his head, clearing it of the mental images. Looking up, he cursed as he realized Cloud has already departed off the train. There was a time and a place, and right now, he needed to find Cloud.

Turning toward Allisha, he grinned at her. "You have no idea how much your help was appreciated." Zack offered her a clumsy bow before turning to leave.

"And by the way, you can call me Zack if we ever meet again."

Before she had a chance to reply, he exited the train, eyes already scanning the crowd for his best friend.

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Sweat beaded on Cloud's skin, drenching him. Why was it so hot? Fingers trailed down his heated flesh as hips bucked helplessly. He mewled as the same fingers teased the outer edge of his nipple, pinching it lightly. The tiny bud pebbled sharply, drawing an involuntary mewl from his throat.

"Oh Gaia, please!"

A deep, throaty chuckle sounded from above him. Opening his eyes, he gasped as he met an amused blue-green gaze. "No, I'm not Gaia but thanks for the compliment."

Zack's full mouth curved upward into a mischievous smile, lighting up his handsome face. Cloud watched captivated as the man licked his long fingers slowly, a lascivious look in his eyes. Saliva-slicked fingers trailed down Cloud's torso, drawing goose bumps. The digits trailed farther down, swirling around his belly button before tugging at his pants.

"Tell me you want this," Zack whispered, his voice low and husky. He dipped his fingers into Cloud's pants, brushing against his erect penis teasingly. The blonde moaned, bucking his hips up, seeking more.

"I-I want this… Oh Gaia, Zack!" He threw his head back as the SOLDIER slid his whole hand inside, wrapping his large palm around Cloud's aching member. Zack gave several languid strokes, ghosting one calloused fingertip against his cock's slit. Cloud cried out at the overwhelming sensation and clung to his best friend's wide shoulders, panting. He buried his face in the SOLDIER's shirt, trying to muffle the sounds of his moans.

It was so embarrassing. He was ready to come just from the brief hand job alone. It wasn't fair.

"You're so hot for me, aren't you, Cloud?" Zack murmured, breathing hotly against the side of his head. He ran his tongue around the outer shell of his ear, nibbling lightly on his lobe. One hand continued teasing Cloud through his pants, making the blonde lose himself in the sensation.

"Your cock is so wet. I bet you'd go crazy if I touched you again here…"

He emphasized "here" with another lazy sweep of his digit over Cloud's tip, pulling the foreskin down simultaneously. His thumb swept back and forth across the slit, teasing him. Cloud shook with pleasure, trying to bury himself against his friend's well-muscled chest.

He didn't think he could last much longer.

"Z-Zack," Cloud groaned out, shakily, trying not to clench his thighs together in wanton desire. Sure, the dark-haired man was acting different than he usually was but he wasn't about to question the change. Not when it felt this good.

He felt the SOLDIER grin cockily against his ear. "Or here," the man said, moving a different finger to swirl around Cloud's puckered entrance. The tip of the digit slipped in, caressing his inner walls. It probed lightly around the confines of his anus, stroking gently.

Cloud moaned at the sensation. Why did it feel so good?

Zack crooned against his ear, sliding his finger farther into his hole. This time he took it all the way to the second knuckle. It felt so strange and full inside of him but he ached for more; something larger. Much, much larger.

His eyes traveled to the front of the Zack's pants and settled on the prominent bulge straining against the loose material. Mouth going dry with desire, he could feel his face begin to turn red. From the looks of it, extreme fighting skills weren't the only thing the SOLDIER had to be proud of. The man was hung like a behemoth.

The older man caught him looking and smirked, his eyes glowing with a combination of mako and lust.

"You'll come for me," he commanded, absolute conviction in his voice. He slipped a second digit in beside the first one, beginning a slow thrust. When Zack gave an order, Cloud usually followed it. There was nothing he loved more than pleasing his best friend and secret crush, but this would just be too embarrassing. He couldn't let himself come so soon or he would never be able to face Zack again. Too bad his body didn't agree with him.

"N-no," Cloud managed to grind out, shoving at the older man's hard chest. It did nothing but cause the SOLDIER to smirk. His hand sped up on Cloud's imprisoned penis, milking it hard.

"What do you mean, 'no?'" Zack asked tauntingly. He pinched the head of his erection lightly, drawing a startled cry from the blonde. His hand tightened around Cloud's length at the same time his long fingers thrust hard into his entrance.

It was too much. Cloud came with a strangled shout, burying his face into Zack's shoulder. The force of the orgasm ripped through him and caused his limbs to quiver with its intensity. He could feel rather than comprehend the older man whispering words of nonsense in his ear. A large hand rubbed his back gently, stroking calming circles.

"Yeah, that's it, Cloudy. Let it all out. Show me how much you love me." Zack's voice was husky and crooned softly, stoking a nameless urge in Cloud.

The blonde lifted his face up to Zack's, parting his lips. Right now, he needed to taste the man, have his flavor forever imprinted on his tongue. He needed a part of Zack that he could never lose.

Wait. Lose? But why would he be afraid to lose Zack? Wasn't he right in front of him?

_"My life and my dreams… Have them all."_

Cloud felt something wet trail down his cheeks. He brushed a hand against the moisture and was startled to realize he was crying.

He stared at his hand, lost in the shimmer of the teardrops. Was he… sad? Did it have something to do with Zack?

_Blood. There was so much blood. It covered Zack's face…  
_  
Cloud jerked back, crying out. Where had that image come from? For a moment, it had seemed so real. The image tugged at his mind, beaconing to him; a siren's song. No. Zack was right here in front of him. It was by ZACK's hand that he had come. It was ZACK's scent that he was currently breathing in: the acrid scent of gun powder and mako, mixed with a subtle musk that was all the SOLDIER's own. And it was ZACK's warmth and strength he felt pressed against him.

_"Cloud, run!" The steady rattling of the machine guns sounded around the two men, engulfing them in a spray of bullets.  
_  
Cloud gasped, one hand flying in front of him. This was all a dream. Everything in it, including this realistic Zack, wasn't real. No, Zack was dead. He would never be coming back again.

The once real and solid Zack before him began to fade, his image blurring around the edges until it eventually faded into nothingness.

Unable to contain his pain, Cloud wept.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Cloud jerked awake with a startled yell. It took him a few moments to realize where he was. His blurry vision took in the vague images of torn seats and rows of people packed into a small space. It looked like some sort of subway.

That's right. He was on a train. If his mind wasn't quite as fragmented then he could recall where exactly it was he was heading. All he remembered was the weight of his weary limbs dragging him across the desert. They had seemed to move on their own, guiding him into an unknown place and away from the scene of destruction. Away from Zack.

Zack… He was gone.

Which meant the whole… thing had been a dream.

Zack was still dead—the word stuck in Cloud's throat, threatening to choke him—and even if he had been living, there was no way he would have looked at Cloud in that light. The blonde knew his best friend had only seen him as a younger brother figure, someone who always needed to be protected. Someone as weak and pathetic as he was didn't deserve a great man—'No, a great SOLDIER,' Cloud mentally corrected himself—like Zack.

His heart heavy, he shifted forward in his seat. His pants made a "squelching" sound, causing Cloud to grimace. "What the…" Rubbing his legs together, he tried to determine the slightly sticky, viscous liquid sticking his appendages together. Did he have a wound he wasn't aware of? It felt sort of like blood but had the same scent as semen. The answer hit him like a ton of bricks. An erotic dream followed by a suspicious dampness between his legs…

There it was then. He had come in his pants.

Cloud felt himself turn what he knew would be a rather unbecoming shade of red before he reached one hand over to cover himself. He didn't need anyone else witnessing his embarrassment.

Distracted, he didn't notice the little boy staring intently at him until he heard a small giggle.

If he could have died of embarrassment right then, he would have gone willingly. Did the little kid witness his immature plight? Was that why he was grinning so wickedly at him? The kid had his finger stuck in his mouth, looking like he was going to use it as a weapon.

"Wake up, Chocobo-head," the little boy said simply, removing his finger from his mouth. His brown hair stuck up in devilish little spikes and his violet eyes were full of mischief.

In a strange way he reminded Cloud of what Zack must have been like as a child. He felt his heart lurch and he had to choke back a sob. No. He wouldn't allow himself to fall apart in such a public place. That could wait until he was alone in a hotel somewhere.

The mini-Zack's smile faded slightly and he gazed at Cloud with child-like worry. "You aren't supposed to cry! That man said it would make you wake up, not sad!" His voice was petulant, bordering on pleading.

Cloud touched a hand to his cheek. So, he was crying. It seemed to be a reaction he couldn't control. If he kept this up, he'd need to put himself in a mental hospital just to keep from publicly humiliating—

'Wait,' he thought, cutting himself off. The boy had said man. Why would a man he most likely didn't know want to wake him up?

"Man?" He asked.

The little boy nodded, happy to be off the topic of Cloud's sadness. "Yeah, yeah! He was this reeeaaally tall man with all this black hair that was spiky, right? And he had weird glowing eyes. Hey! They kind of looked like yours."

Cloud felt his heart lurch and he couldn't help the surge of hope that swelled up in his throat. Black hair? Eyes just like his? He knew it was a ridiculous reaction but he couldn't stop himself from looking around the train, eyes straining for a sign of this "Zack."

Just then, the unloading spiel played over the train's speakers. They had arrived in Midgar. For some reason, the city seemed to call to him. This was as good a place as ever to start over; to go on without Zack.

Zack was dead and no amount of childish wishing could ever reverse that fact. He offered the little boy a small, empty smile and stood up. Cloud's right hand tightened around the Buster sword, reminding him of the weight of his burden. He was Zack's legacy now.

And he would live up to that… right after he found somewhere safe to fall apart.

TBC


	3. Without You

'Cause I miss you;

'Cause I miss you;  
Body and soul so strong  
That it takes my breath away.  
And I breathe you  
Into my heart and pray  
For the strength to stand to today.  
Because I love you,  
Whether it's wrong or right;  
And though I can't be with you tonight,  
My heart is by your side.

("If You're Not the One" by Daniel Bedingfield.)

Chapter Two  
Without You

The night breeze swirled around Cloud, tickling his nostrils with the once-familiar scents of hot dumplings, day-old coffee, and human sweat. There had been a time when the whiff of any of these would have set him in a nostalgic mood, painting his heart with peace.

Zack had loved this city, mainly the upper part of Midgar which the blond had entered not even a few moments ago. Whenever Cloud and the ex-SOLDIER had been assigned leave at the same time, the man would drag him towards the closest city and coax a drink into him. It usually ended with Cloud punch-drunk and slung over the man's shoulders, giggling like an idiot.

He didn't mind the hangover so much when he had the feel of the older man's broad back pressed against his face, Zack's scent stirring up a forbidden pleasure deep in his heart and groin.

There had even been a time when the hustle and bustle of the inner city would cause Cloud's heart to beat faster in excitement, with the promise of a night spent under Zack's playful yet protective eye. He could almost feel the man still watching over him.

Tilting his chin, Cloud stepped out onto the curb. Ignoring the painful lurch of his heart, he lifted his hand, signaling for a cab.

If nothing else, he would be strong for his dead love, even if it lasted for only a brief moment of time.

Not a few moments later, a dented old yellow taxi came screeching around the corner and skidded to a halt in front of the blonde. The tires smoked, fumes pouring out from underneath the worn rubber.

The driver, having given Cloud a thorough once-over, poked his head out of the cab. Cigarette dangling safely from the corner of his mouth, the man offered Cloud an amiable grin. A thick, matted dreadlock fell in front of his nose and he puffed it back in mild annoyance. Hazel eyes sparkled with vitality, a sharp contrast against the man's dark brown, weathered skin.

"You running away, to, or near anywhere I know, my man? If so, slap a ten spot my way and we'll blow this fucking Popsicle stand," the cabby said, the corners of his eyes crinkling with humor.

Cloud nodded and stepped into the cab. He placed the Buster Sword carefully on the old leather seats and settled himself in after. It would only take a few minutes to get to Upper Midgar's inner city. It was enough time to compose himself until he was in the safety of a temporary lodging.

Laying his head against the back of the seat, Cloud shut his eyes. A slow breath exhaled from his lungs, attempting to relax his muscles. The tension he had felt since awakening on the train refused to flow out of him. It filled his bones with a deep weariness.

Gil clanked against each other with each bump of the vehicle, alerting Cloud to sparseness of his change purse. He had just enough to buy him one night at a cheap motel and the fair for the cab ride. In the morning the hunt for a job would commence.

It was the official start of his life without Zack.

Raw despair prodded at his chest, reminding the blonde of its presence, one he knew wouldn't fade away if ignored. The barbed edges stabbed at his lungs and choked his throat with unshed tears. Only a few more moments until he was safe within the confines of a motel…

"I don't think I can take this much longer," he sobbed quietly, doubling over.

Cloud felt a gaze on him and glanced up. He caught the cab driver's stare and the man looked concerned. "You know where you're headin', blondie? I got no problem driving in circles but I need to know I'm getting paid for my time."

"Any motel. Cheap. I have… gil," Cloud gasped, reaching blindly for his sword's handle. It was starting to become a reflex, reaching for Zack when he was overwhelmed. Although it was just a small piece of the ex-SOLDIER, the sword represented everything the man had held true. It was his strength.

Cloud knew his mind was unraveling. He could feel the tiny threads fray and break off into oblivion. It was becoming too difficult for him to maintain any dignity when he hurt so much. The weight of the sword's hilt offered little comfort in wake of his despair.

Never in the blonde's twenty-one years of existence had he felt such pain. Sure, there had been times when he had thought the world was ending. Those had been in his younger days, when his heart had been set on Tifa. Her rejection still hadn't hurt as much as this did.

Was this what it was like lose a loved one?

Cloud felt the cab slow down and pulled the sword closer to his chest. It had been a shorter ride than he expected. Collecting himself, he looked out the window.

Pavement glistened under dim lamp light, slick with the freshly falling rain. The windows of the taxi were streaked with the clear liquid, distorting his view. Dark figures bustled by the now-parked vehicle, offering it nothing more than disinterested glances.

He could make out the blurred silhouette of a small, utilitarian-looking building. It was a humble establishment, nestled in Midgar. A blazing neon sign blinked off and on above the heavy iron door. A few of the lights had shorted out, leaving several letters dark. Zack would have loved it here.

'Gaia, please be my motel. I can't stop this for much longer.' Cloud's hand shook around his death-grip on the Buster sword.

It took him a few seconds to make out the words coming out of the cabby driver's mouth. His head pounded and he struggled to form any rational thoughts.

"R-repeat that, please," Cloud requested, trying to control the waver in his throat.

The driver shot him a bemused look and shook his head. "I asked if this place was cool. But from your look, kid, you'd take anything. You sure you're goin' to be okay, blondie?" The man's voice was filled with concern.

'No. If I could die right now I'd go with a smile.'

"Yeah. Ten, right?" Faking a smile, Cloud untied the change purse from around his neck.

The cabby driver hesitated before offering a reluctant nod. "Ten even. Hey, kid. I don't do this very often but… it looks like you need it. More than I do, at least. Gimme a sec."

The man popped open his glove compartment, pulling a small bundle from its depths. Dark blue ribbon was secured tightly around the solid figure. Unwrapping it with care, he offered its contents to Cloud.

A small, red stone lay nestled in the depths of the cheese cloth. Its glass surface gleamed and a wave of energy pulsed off of it. Cloud ghosted his fingers over it, startled by the rush of warmth that swept through his fingertips.

The driver grinned, the lines around his eyes deepening with humor. "In my native land, we call that a rhoka. It was once used by sailors to find their way back to land and the ones waiting for them.

"As time passed, wives used it to keep tabs on husbands that went off to fight in the War of Wutai. You see, it glows when the one you cherish the most is nearby; within a mile of ya. The brighter it burns the closer and more alive they are. Sad to say, it don't do shit for the dead.

"And it only works on the one that matters the most to ya. No one else. You got yourself someone to love?"

Cloud folded his fingers over the stone and shook his head. "No. Well, at least, I don't anymore. He… he's gone," his throat tightened on the words. Speaking them aloud would make things more real. Cloud wasn't ready to go any further than that.

Turning in his seat, the driver's eyes were filled with a nameless emotion. "Just because he's gone doesn't make your love any less real, blondie. If anything, now's the time he needs you more than ever. Love guides the dead to where they need to be. It's proof enough that they lived for the right person. Makes 'em move on with no regrets."

The cab driver cleared his throat. "That's enough serious talk outta my ass. Take the stone or toss it when ya get inside. No skin off my back, either way."

Cloud shut his eyes for a second, overwhelmed with the man's kindness. He followed the driver's suit and cleared his throat before opening his eyes again.

"Thank you for… this. I-I… thank you." He was at a loss for words. Exiting out of the cab, he turned to look back at the driver.

The man just nodded and grinned. "I hope that works out okay for ya. Take care, blondie."

With that, the cab sped off onto the busy street, the tires smoking and squealing into traffic. Cloud watched the battered vehicle, his limbs trembling with excursion. The talk had helped distract him for a few moments but now the pain returned with a vengeance.

Still grasping the stone, Cloud stumbled toward the motel doors. He fought not to clutch at his midriff, a nervous tick he had developed to alleviate the emotions coursing through him.

The woman behind the front desk barely spared him not even a glance before turning back to her romance novel. "You have gil?" She asked, gaze intent on a paragraph in the novel. Shooting him a stern look over the spine of the paperback, she reminded Cloud of a schoolmarm.

Cloud nodded, clearing his throat.

The woman slapped a keycard down onto the desk, still uninterested in the outside world. Cloud wished he could shut of reality that easily. Her ringed fingers clanked against the wood, the sound echoing in Cloud's sensitive ears.

"Your room's up the stairs on the right, first door on your left. Pay when you check out and by the Goddess, if you so much as try to stiff me on the bill, I'll hunt your skinny ass down and fuck you with it. Comprende?"

She shot him a longer look and then did a double take. Slamming her book shut, the receptionist turned a withering glare toward the blonde. "You had better not be one of those mako sluts. With eyes like yours, I wouldn't be surprised."

Getting out of her chair, she slapped both of her hands down on the counter and leaned forward. "Don't expect me to supply rooms for all of your druggie friends," she said, her voice lowering dangerously.

Clutching the Buster Sword nervously, Cloud shook his head. Grabbing the keycard from the counter top, he backed up slightly. 'Good Gaia, this woman could classify as one of Hojo's monsters. No one would even blink an eye!' He thought, sweat beading down his brow.

"I-I'm not into… that. I just need to…" Fall apart. "Lay down for a while. Sorry to have bothered you."

He cursed inwardly at the waver of hesitation in his voice. 'I'm so fucking weak. If even this she-hemoth can scare me, I was never cut out to be SOLDIER material in the first place. It was my weakness that got Zack killed.'

Cloud's heart sank as the dark thought threatened to consume him. It was the belief of his soul; a litany he'd keep with him until he joined the Lifestream: Zack was dead because he had lived. He, a pathetic excuse for a man, had lived in place of hero.

The receptionist gave him one last look before shrugging. "I still don't think you're right in the head but gil's gil. Take you and your weird ass eyes, and get out of my sight."

She sat back down on her chair and picked up her book. "By the way, your rock thing is glowing."

It took him a moment before he grasped her meaning. As if in response to his attention, the rhoka pulsed in his hand. Its glassy surface radiated a burning red glow, momentarily blinding Cloud. The entire surface of the stone was almost overpowered with the deep ruby light. Did this mean… Zack?

He gasped and watched dumbly as it tumbled toward the carpet. 'It's not possible,' Cloud thought, his heart in his throat. 'It can't be.'

But the stone and his heart told him otherwise. The only way for the rhoka to be glowing was if the one he cherished the most was alive and within a mile of his person, right? The ex-SOLDIER was the only one he had sworn his heart to; the only one he would ever love.

'This can't be. Zack's… gone.' He winced, unable to even think the word in his head.

The rhoka burned brighter, and if possible, hotter against the drab gray of the carpet, belying Cloud's thoughts. How was any of this possible?

Bending down, he reached for the stone with trembling hands. It beckoned to him seductively, calling to his soul, willing him to believe it as something more than a lie made up by a cruel man. The subtle energy hummed against his mind and whispered impossible promises.

Believe.

'Never.'

Why not?

'I don't want to hurt anymore.'

He's not dead.

'You lie.'

You'll see.

Cloud's breath hitched in his throat, escaping as a sob. Could it be… true? He stared down at the innocent-looking stone, trying to control the violent trembling of his fingers. He was going to fall apart. This wishful thinking wasn't helping.

'Stop it,' Cloud berated himself, shaking his head. 'Thoughts like that are why you're weak in the first place. Zack's d—gone and you need to keep it together. What would he say if he could see you sniveling like some superstitious child?'

A memory of the fallen man assaulted his mind just then; one that had been forgotten in the trenches of time. It had been the day Angeal, Zack's mentor, had died.

Zack had showed up at Cloud's place, his clothes torn and bloodied. His eyes had been red-rimmed and filled with a nameless emotion, causing the blonde to nearly seize with worry.

Cloud remembered falling on his knees next to the dark-haired man and not a moment later, his best friend's emotions came to a head. Zack had laid his head on Cloud's knees and lost himself in his misery. It was the first time Cloud had seen the man weep.

_"SOLDIERs aren't supposed to cry. We're supposed to stay strong and protect the weak. We aren't children. We die with dignity so that others can live without it. But please. Let me have this moment to be childish. Let me be weak for a little while longer." _

If at all possible, Cloud had fallen even farther in love with the ex SOLDIER that day. According to him, it was okay to cry. Okay to fall apart…

It was too much. The dam broke deep inside of Cloud and he could feel the tears flooding his cheeks. The blonde felt the receptionist's confused stare on him as he slapped the stone on the counter and fled for the stairs. Sobs choked him, cutting off the air to his throat. All of the pain and rage he had kept bottled inside of him exploded, blinding him with their intensity.

The emotions ripped at his mind and heart, tearing at the delicate layers with clawed fingers. It drew blood and when it had drawn its fill, it dug deeper.

'No more! Please make it stop make it stop make it stop. Hurts, hurts… Oh Gaia…' His knees gave out just feet from his door. Uncaring, he curled into a small ball, arms wrapped tightly around the Buster sword.

Images of the ex-Soldier flashed in his mind and he fought for breath.

_"So, you wanna be in SOLDIER? Good luck. Believe in yourself and your dreams. You'll do just fine."_

Some SOLDIER he would have made. How many would have died because of him? How many would have died because he was too much of a fucking coward to risk his own life for them?

_Zack brushed back a strand of Cloud's matted hair, smiling down at him. "Regardless of popular belief, dirty blondes are no fun. Let's get all this mud cleaned off of you, Cloudy," he teased gently._

He turned himself over in time to be sick on the carpet. Gasping for air around his dry heaves, he felt the sword clatter to the ground.

_"Clouuuuud," Zack wailed, wrapping his arms around the smaller blonde. "My uniform shrunk!" The SOLDIER gave a mock sniffle and spun his best friend around to face him._

True to his word, the ends of the knit SOLDIER uniform barely reached to the man's navel. The pants clung uncomfortably to every contour of Zack's body, emphasizing the blessing of good genes.

"See?!"

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry. Oh Gaia, Zack."

Cloud grappled at the carpet underneath, his body frozen in shock. He nails bled from clawing blindly at the rough fabric but he remained oblivious. Even when his neighbor's door flew open and the sound of drunken voices filtered over him, he stayed in his own world; even when the voices paused in their slurred splendor and abruptly took on a lecherous tone; even when he knew this could not possibly end well.

He felt, rather than heard, the heavy thwunk of a boot connecting with his head. Brain swimming with black dots, Cloud let his mind drift between the dreamy wakefulness of reality and a concussion. A piercing hot ache fired through him as the same boot was brought down again and again all over his aching limbs.

Pain was good. Cowards deserved pain.

Several figures stood over Cloud's prone body. "Little blonde here is swooned over at your door, Rex. He must want you bad," a nasally voice joked. Two strong sets of hands grabbed at Cloud's ankles and dragged him toward the ajar entryway. Was he going to die?

Death… Why didn't that thought sound as pleasant as it should? Something in the back of Cloud's mind screamed for him to struggle, to fight. It wailed a single reason for him to live over and over again, as if on repeat.

A promise to live.

Another man wheezed in pleasure, his voice coming in delighted gasps. "I call that tight-lookin' mouth o' his. I know a pretty-boy like him won't mind gettin' a mouthful o' Uncle Steve's Grade A jerky."

They chuckled at "Steve's" words, and another man, positioned somewhere behind Cloud's head slammed the door shut behind them. It was funny how the only thing that seemed to register in his mind was that the door hadn't shut all the way.

"You get the mouth, and I s'ppose I'll wait for that hot ass of his. Right after you, Rex, of course," Doorman replied.

Cloud heard the pull of a zipper and attempted to lift his hand in protest. It was knocked back down and someone laughed.

'When did I become so weak?' Cloud thought, trying not to vomit again. The scent of alcohol in this room was overpowering. Another time and place, and these men would have been flat on their asses, faces broken in. Had those days died along with everything else?

"Someone get him ready. We don't want to leave the Chocobo-head waiting," presumably "Rex" said. Fingers, grappling at his hips, tore at the waistband of his pants. They caressed his skin, defiling him.

A blinding rage filled Cloud just then; the likes of which overpowered his other emotions and swept them to the back of his mind.

Chocobo-head?! He seethed, kicking his legs out. The only one allowed to call him that had been Zack. They defiled a great man's memory. These bastards would know what it was like to make a fucking "Chocobo" angry.

The sense of helplessness rushed out of Cloud in a violent energy and he rammed his head back, taking a sick pleasure in the resulting crack. Pushing himself off of the ground, he clambered to his feet, swaying slightly. The world spun around him.

"That's not good,' he thought, trying to steady himself. He couldn't kick ass and take names when he looked like a drunk at happy hour. He looked up in time to make out a fist connecting with his face.

"You want to play, we'll play," "Rex" said, wiping his bloody fist on the blonde's shirt.

Cloud grunted. He fell toward the ground, his blue eyes gazing unfocusedly toward the door. Maybe he really was going to die. After all, only Heaven would have a pissed-off Zack standing in the entryway, twirling Cloud's Buster Sword.

"Hallelujah," Cloud mumbled before the world went black.

Zack kicked open the door, stepping into the tiny, trashy room. The scent of alcohol and unwashed gym socks burned his keen sense of smell.

Swinging the Buster Sword that he had found lying conspicuously outside of the door, he knew he made an impressive sight. Having only just caught up with the small blonde, his stomach knotted at the thought of what he would find behind the door.

Three large men stared back at him, momentarily frozen with matching looks of belief on their faces. They stood over the fragile form of his best friend, one's unsightly hand still clutching at Cloud's pants.

Rage coursed through the ex-SOLDIER, boiling into something he knew wasn't going to be pleasant. These men had caused his cover to blow. If that wasn't bad enough, they had dared to lay a hand on his baby. One way or another, these bitches were about to pay.

One of them—a towering, muscle head with a mullet—shook himself of the surprise "visit" and straightened up. "What the fu-"

"So, you boys wanted to play?" Zack interrupted, twirling the Buster sword casually in one hand. His voice was dangerously neutral, something that had taken months to perfect in SOLDIER training.

'Lesson One: When surrounded by enemies, never give away your true intent.'

The 80s wannabe glared. "Get the fuck outta here before me an' my boys fuck you up."

Zack had to give him props. The idiot's voice only trembled SLIGHTLY and his beady eyes only ogled the Buster sword… the entire time. The man's buddies hide behind him.

Equal cowards.

Zack gave the blade one last lethal swipe inches away from the cowering men before sheathing it on his back. "Oh, but I love games. Don't take away my fun now. Just let me make it a little more fair."

Bending down, he reached into his boots and started removing their contents. Blade after blade was placed in a neat row, spreading out across the floor.

Working his way up from his feet, he unsheathed the machete strapped to his ankles and placed that next to the growing line. He removed a pistol from the small of his back, grinning sheepishly at the men. "That one wasn't actually mine. Just holding it for a… friend."

The men's eyes widened at the rapidly growing pile of weapons.

Straightening up, Zack clenched his fists. "So, who's first? Or are we having ourselves a three on one? Although, I gotta warn you, that whole 'orgy' scenario just isn't my thing. Looking at you ugly bitches makes me want to claw my eyes out."

He shrugged.

"But I guess you can't help it if you were all born that ugly. Right?" He smirked and scratched the back of his head.

Dropping his hand, he let the grin spread demonically across his features. The smile didn't reach his eyes.

'Ladies and Gentleman, Zack-fucking-Fair is a puppy no longer; at least not when you take his potential favorite "chew toy". Rabid Beast vs. Ugly Bitches, round one. Ring the bell.'

The 80s man, the obvious ring leader, stepped forward, his words belying the fear on his face. "You some sorta faggot?"

Zack's face turned wicked as the sinister smirk spread wider. He gave a mock bow before turning his burning gaze onto the three men.

"Live and in living color. You are about to get schooled by a queer, you bunch of bitches. Now, come at me. I have places to be and asses to ream," the ex-SOLDIER taunted, his mako-enhanced eyes gleaming.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cloud groan. Not good. He needed to get this trash taken out before the blonde came around.

The distraction was enough time for 80s man to lunge at Zack and plant a solid right hook against his cheek. It split his skin and he felt the blood trickling down his cheek. Oh hells no.

Running forward, Zack slammed the heel of his palm into the mullet man's nose, driving the cartilage up into the man's skull. It broke against his hand with a satisfying crunch, not quite enough to kill him, though it wasn't like the creep didn't deserve it.

The ex-Soldier planted his size eleven boots into the man's crotch for good measure. Nobody fucking touched his soul mate. 80s fell to the ground, clutching at his family jewels. The "lackeys" watched in disbelief.

'Too easy,' Zack thought in disappointment.

Turning mako-enhanced eyes onto the two dip shits, he cracked his knuckles and grinned. They both took a cautious step backward. Foregoing all façades of bravery, they simultaneously fled for the door.

Zack's body thrummed with the anticipation of the "hunt." Adrenalin surged through his body, settling in his cock. Mini-Zack perked up and smiled. The thrill of a good chase had always turned him on, not a type of foreplay he prided himself on liking. This was going to be fun.

Just about to give chase, a tiny whimper stopped him in his tracks. He looked over Cloud, his blood freezing in his veins.

'Oh, fuck me stupid.'

"Zack?!"

"Heya, Cloudy."

TBC


	4. You Belong to Me

There are times I ran to hide,

There are times I ran to hide,  
Afraid to show the other side;  
Alone in the night without you.  
But now I know just who you are,  
And I know you hold my heart;  
Finally, this is where I belong.  
It is you I have loved all along

("It is You" by Dana Glover)

Chapter Three  
You Belong to Me

Zack knew he was screwed the moment those big blue eyes caught his gaze. Lowering the Buster Sword, he offered the trembling blonde a hangdog grin. "Heya, Cloudy."

Cloud gazed in awe at him before his lips quivered and he leaned forward. "Is that really you, Zack?" He leaned forward, curled up on his side, face tilted up toward the ex-SOLDIER in expectance.

'Maybe I can pretend I'm some sort of ghost,' the dark-haired man thought before mentally slapping himself. This wasn't a game; he needed to stop treating everything like a joke. Cloud needed to know the truth.

Zack nodded, slowly.

It wasn't as if he didn't want to be around his best friend; to be with him. If the surge of protectiveness in his SOLDIER veins and the bulge in his equally SOLDIER pants were anything to go by, it was the exact opposite; he wanted it too much. He just hadn't wanted to burden his overly sensitive soul mate with his not-quite dead presence. The kid's mind was too fragmented for that.

Looking back on that particular plan, Zack realized his error. Hadn't Cloud's mind become fragmented BECAUSE of Zack's death? Allowing his best friend to continue believing he was floating somewhere in the Lifestream hadn't exactly helped anything.

Zack groaned inwardly. His logic never made any sense, not even in his own mind, which was just sad. Zack was a creature of all action and little planning, "suffering" from a one-tracked mind, a short attention span, and a sickeningly optimistic attitude—it was little wonder why he never got promoted to general during his stay in the ShinRa army.

Cloud let out a small noise and the dark haired man snapped back to attention. 'Focus,' he scolded himself. Fucking ADHD.

Their eyes caught each other, there was a long pause, and then, "Er… long time, no see?"

Cloud glared at the ex-SOLDIER, outwardly bristling. His innocent eyes were narrowed into dangerous blue slits and his kissable lips pulled back to show surprisingly lethal-looking teeth. Was the blonde actually snarling at him?

'He looks like a kitten,' Zack thought, resisting the urge to pick up the petite man and smother him with kisses. Despite his early reluctance at being spotted, Zack wanted to fall down onto his knees and thank whatever deity it was that allowed him this one more chance at loving Cloud. He needed to pull the man into his arms and never let him go.

Zack sighed. He doubted the ex-Cadet would appreciate getting molested by a guy he obviously wanted to beat the shit out of.

It was too bad, really. He could picture going over to Cloud and ripping those silly excuses for pants off and—

"I'm obviously hallucinating now so don't mind me. I'm just going crazy," Cloud muttered, struggling to stand up.

'Maybe Angeal was right. I really need to work on paying attention,' Zack thought, irritably.

"Well, let me know when you're done so we can crash, bab- I mean Cloud. I'm as tired as all hell. Chasing you around town is tough work."

The murderous expression had melted off of his soul mate's face almost as quickly as it had appeared and was replaced by a look of shock. Zack fought back a grin and moved to help Cloud stand up. 'And they say MY moods are weird.'

"Please tell me you're real."

"I try to be."

Hands trembling, the smaller man reached out to touch the ex-SOLDIER's face. Zack nuzzled his hand, brushing his lips gently against Cloud's palm. The sweet action caused the blonde's eyes to well with tears. He sobbed and threw his arms around the dark-haired man's neck.

Zack felt dampness soak through his shirt and his heart nearly broke. The sniffle undid him, and after threading his long fingers through his soul mate's hair, he pulled him closer. Nonsensical words escaped from his throat and he cooed them to Cloud shamelessly. The thrum of the blonde's heart increased in tempo, concerning Zack.

"I watched you die," Cloud whispered, his hands moving restlessly over the ex-SOLDIER's body. He nuzzled Zack's collarbone with his nose, the tears falling harder. Broken sobs escaped from his throat.

Restive fingers slid up Zack's arms, ghosting across his biceps and around to map the broad expansion of his back. They slid up into his hair, caressing the ebony strands before moving forward to his explore his face.

Cloud pulled back a little from his chest to stare intently into his eyes. A single digit traced the outline of his scar, memorizing it through touch. Cloud's eyes were red rimmed, still streaming tears, but he had stopped crying.

For the moment.

Blue eyes locked onto mako-enhanced blue-green ones and stayed that way for several long moments. Zack could read the confusion in Cloud's gaze and see the hurt in their beautiful depths. What mattered more was that he could feel his soul mate's relief at seeing him again. Cloud made him feel wanted and nine-kinds-of-stupid all at the same time. He wasn't sure if he liked that combination or not.

"How did… how did you survive?" the blonde asked, suddenly bashful.

Zack paused. That very same question had been niggling at him for the past couple of days, as well. 'How DID I survive?' he wondered.

Scratching the back of his head, he frowned. If it were anyone else in Zack's place, he was almost certain that they would have joined the Lifestream by now. So, then why did he live? Was there a sole purpose? Was it destined? Did he even want to know?

Shrugging, Zack sighed. "I don't have a clue. It was like one minute I was floating in the dark and the next… BAM! I saw you walking away. It all just came rushing back to me, ya know?"

Cupping a hand to the blonde's cheek, he watched Cloud's face shift through a variety of expressions before settling on one that looked down-right pissed. Oh shit. Had he said something wrong? Was he not supposed to touch Cloud when he was like this?

The smaller man narrowed his eyes dangerously before rearing back his hand and punching Zack in the face. Hard. The ex-SOLDIER was almost positive he heard his bones creak.

Grabbing his cheek, he narrowly avoided Cloud's next right hook.

"Aah! Shit, Cloud! What the hell was that for?" Rubbing a hand against his sore face, Zack was torn between turning the bitchy little shit over his knee or taking the punishment as was his due, not like he knew _why_ it was his due, though.

They scowled darkly at each other and in the next moment, all hell broke loose.

Cloud launched himself at Zack, flailing at the ex-SOLDIER in a flurry of fists, teeth, and surprisingly sharp nails. His small hand caught in the Zack's hair and he yanked with all of his strength. A knee managed to find itself a cozy niche in the man's abdomen.

"Oomph!"

The moment Zack felt teeth in his neck, survival mode kicked in. He roared and flipped Cloud onto his back, straddling him. "Cloud! Where's all of this coming from? You need to stop hitting me for a second and just calm down! I have half a mind to put you over my knee!" Zack snarled, pinning his best friend's hand over his head. What was Cloud's problem? If he had such an issue with being touched, he shouldn't have plastered himself all over Zack!

"I couldn't have said it better myself. You DO have only a half of a mind, you…puppy!" Cloud taunted him back, shooting daggers with his eyes.

'Oh, so he wants to play dirty, does he? Well two can play this game,' Zack thought, his adrenaline surging. No one called him a puppy!

"Suck my balls, you whiny little Chocobo!" Okay, maybe not the most intellectual comeback, but it would do in a fight or flight situation.

"Grow a pair and maybe I will, Neanderthal!"

"I'm too busy trying to get my last pair out of your mama, girly-boy."

Cloud growled and thrust his hips upward, in a pathetic and unwise attempt to get Zack off. Pathetic, mainly because the ex-SOLDIER outweighed the blonde ex-cadet by a good twenty-five pounds, unwise because the motion brought both of their groins into contact. Cloud's pants still gaped open from when the 80s men from early had tried their hands at foul play.

Each man was sporting a hard-on, albeit for slightly different reasons.

Zack suppressed a groan at the stimulation, letting his head fall next to Cloud's face. Black strands of hair fell around them, shielding the two from the rest of the world. Hearing the younger man inhale sharply, the ex-SOLDIER tilted his face toward the vulnerable ear and smiled. "Hello to you, too"

He heard Cloud stifle a soft laugh and just like that, the tension ebbed. Relaxing under Zack's reassuring weight, Cloud looked up at him through a heavy-lidded gaze. "You've been alive this entire time," he stated softly. "Right under my nose. You were so close we could have brushed by each other. Was that you on the train?"

Deciding Cloud was sane again, Zack released his wrists. He wisely opted not to answer that question, not wishing for another pointless fight. Their gazes met and he saw the hurt in the blonde's eyes before it was squashed down.

"Tell me, Zack. Was this friendship a… burden for you?" Cloud asked, trying to hide the disappointment on his face. Hurt radiated off his thin form, broadcasting loud and clear. Even if Zack hadn't had his mako enhancements he could have still felt it.

The ex-SOLDIER wanted to kick his own ass. "Don't ever say that!" Zack admonished. His voice was thick with barely concealed emotion. Sitting back on his heels, he let the blonde sit up, still keeping a protective hand on the man's waist. He was unwilling to relinquish the contact. The dark-haired man allowed himself to think that Cloud needed the touch, too.

"I… No, enough excuses out of me. You deserved better than that, Cloud. I shouldn't have left you alone to fall apart like that," he said. Guilt reared its ugly head, clawing at his gut. He was such a jerk. There was no way he deserved Cloud's forgiveness. It was the result of his thoughtless actions that caused his soul mate such misery. He was the worst kind of man. He deserved—

A light touch on his arm drew Zack from his uncharacteristic musings. Cloud caressed his arm lightly, his lips parting. Blue eyes lit up with awe and all traces of hurt anger left their depths.

Damn, Cloud's moods changed fast.

"You're alive. Zack… You came back to me." Cloud's voice broke. "You came back to me."

Trembling arms drew the ex-SOLDIER down, clutching at him with desperation. Zack felt all of his apprehension flow out of him and he let himself sink into Cloud's embrace.

'I am alive, aren't I?' Zack thought in slight astonishment. He hadn't died despite all the odds against him. This second chance at life had to be a sign. 'You can't get rid of me that easily, world… not when I've got something to live for,' Zack thought, mentally shaking his fist at Fate.

He sought out the blonde's hand, lacing their fingers together. Nuzzling his nose against the ex-cadet's neck, he lost himself in the blonde's scent. Whatever god had graced him with the re-gift of life, he owed them a round of sake. "Thank you," he whispered huskily into Cloud's hair.

Yeah, he owed them big time.

Aerith clutched at her bleeding stomach, eyes fluttering open to gaze absently at the church's broken ceiling. The flowers she had spent so many years on—that she had poured her sweat and tears into—lay crushed around her fallen form, drenched in a viscous layer of her blood. Was her legacy fated to die with her? She reached out blindly, grasping at anything that would anchor her to the rapidly fading world. Her fingers closed around the thin silk of a flower petal. Rose, if she could remember correctly; it felt… like a rose petal.

Brilliant white light tinted the edge of her vision. Was it already time to go? A translucent, silvery figure stood over her, love etched on its perfect, beautifully androgynous face. Reaching out, it brushed one pale hand against Aerith's pallid cheek. The pain faded into nothing, leaving her with a sense of peace. For the first time in the last several long hours, she felt free.

"Are you sure this is what you want, child? It isn't yet your time, you are well aware," the image spoke, its elegant mouth barely forming the words.

Aerith nodded. A sad, ghost of a smile whispered across her lips before disappearing into nothing.

"In my mind, I was the reason for his smile. It made me so happy thinking that if I just tried harder, I could make up for all of the pain life forced upon him. He'd been dealt so many hardships that I couldn't…" Aerith paused, her voice catching in her throat. The ethereal figure waited patiently, stroking her hair back from a sweaty forehead.

"I knew what fate had in store for him. I couldn't let it happen. I was right, wasn't I?" She looked pleadingly at the figure before her. Unfettered, hope shined brightly in her eyes.

The figure brushed its hand across the young woman's eyes, tears streaking down its unearthly cheeks. "That is not my question to answer, child. If it felt right then that is all that matters."

Aerith smiled once more and nodded. "It feels right. He gave us all so much. I wanted to return this one small wish: He said once that he wanted wings. This is me, letting him fly. Hopefully Zack will understand. Right, mama?"

The Goddess ran her hand over Aerith's eyes, shutting them. A moment later, pale green light released from the young woman's body, escaping into the Lifestream. The ethereal figure paused a moment, her lips moving in silent prayer. After several long moments, the Goddess rose from her knees and tilted her head towards the sky. "I must confess, I do not understand. How someone can give up their life in exchange for another is beyond me."

A pale streak of light trailed from the thick clouds in answer. Aerith's voice filled the dredges of the small church, echoing in the confines. "What can I say, mama? We humans are strange creatures."

The Goddess nodded sagely and unfurled her wings toward the ceiling. "If you say so, child."

Cloud clutched Zack's hand close to his chest as he made his way down the motel stairs. There was no way he was letting the man out of his sight; not when he had just gotten him back. Zack seemed to be thinking along the same lines, his gaze often returning to Cloud's for reassurance.

The blonde took comfort in the strength of the man behind him, basking in his masculine aura. He didn't know where they stood as a twosome but he did know that he would be an emotional wreck without the ex-Soldier by his side. He wanted Zack as more than a friend but, for now, he was content in being with the man in any way he could.

When they arrived at the front desk, Zack stepped to the forefront and offered the woman from earlier a suave smile. He blocked Cloud with his big body, subconsciously shielding the ex-Cadet from her gaze. The gesture caused a nameless emotion to swell inside the blonde's chest. Cloud turned away, cheeks flushing. It was all he could do not to throw himself at the man.

The receptionist glared at them from over her romance novel. "We don't give refunds," she barked, dog-earing her page and settling the tome down on the desk. "If you've got a pro-"

"Is that 'Her Savage Warrior' by Ronda Hearts?!" Zack cut the woman off, throwing his hands excitedly out in front of him. Fingers still firmly intertwined with the man's, Cloud was jerked forward.

The receptionist paused in the middle of her tirade, her mouth falling open. "You… you know Ronda Hearts?" the woman ventured cautiously.

"Are you kidding me? I live and breathe her death-defying heroes! My favorite book is 'One Night in Your Arms.' Gotta love the kinky emphasis she puts on sword-wielding SOLDIERs." Zack nodded at his own sword and grinned unabashedly at the older woman. "But trust me, not all of it," he paused for dramatic effect. "…is a myth."

The woman actually squealed, fanning herself like a schoolgirl. Cloud looked on with disbelief.

"You're a SOLDIER?!"

Zack nodded, sagely, white-lying through his teeth. "First Class, ma'am. Born and bred to protect beautiful women, such as yourself, from wicked," he paused again, capturing her wrist in his free hand, and planted a kiss on her palm. "conniving," he continued, punctuating the word with another suave peck. "rapist thieves… Such as the fools in Room 34B."

The receptionist's face turned from a flustered pink to a raging red in record time. "Rapists, you say? In MY motel? Are you sure?"

"As sure as I am that you make my heart race," Zack quipped.

The woman blushed but promptly ignored his overly suave comeback. "There's no way those bastards are staying here. Just give me a second to phone their room and…" Zack cut her off with a finger to her lips, nearly causing Cloud to gag in disbelief. The lady was actually buying this bullshit?!

"No need to concern yourself. I salvaged your honor by kicking the shit out of them. When I heard how they were planning to come down here in the middle of the night and have their wicked way with you, I just couldn't sit around. You understand… don't you?" He gave the best puppy eyes Cloud had ever seen in his life. The woman fell for his bull like flies in shit.

"Of course I understand! And let me tell ya, sir, that there is no way that will ever happen. Just let them try and rape me when I've got myself this little piece." She drew a vicious-looking shotgun out from under the desk. "Now, if you'll excuse me…"

She stood up from behind her desk, carefully placing the book on the desk, and grabbed the gun. Releasing the safety, she offered Zack a smirk. "I've got myself some guests to kick out."

Cloud waited until the woman was all the way up the staircase before confronting the ex-SOLDIER. "You are a lying sack of crap, you know that, right?"

Zack grinned and brought Cloud's hand to his lips. At the feel of the man's lips brushing gently against his fingertips, the blonde blushed. His unsatisfied arousal pulsed warningly in his pants. "Cut it out," he hissed, trying to wrench his hand free. Zack only grasped it tighter.

"My Cloud is so cruel to me," the ex-SOLDIER sang, ruffling his hair. Cloud was loath to admit just how good it felt to feel Zack around him again. He settled for his trademark blank look and wriggled out from under the touch.

"If we want to stay here longer than a day, we need to find jobs. I don't know about you, but my gil is running low," Cloud said, turning towards the motel entrance doors. Taking a few steps forward, he was suddenly stopped by a firm hand on his wrist. A second later, arms wrapped around Cloud's waist and drew him back towards a firm chest.

"Don't go," Zack whispered fiercely. His voice was husky with emotion, belying his usual carefree expression. His arms tightened slightly. "I'm not ready to let you out of my sight yet. Just… a little while longer, okay?" Cloud paused, understanding tightening his chest. Zack wasn't as unaffected by all of "this" as he seemed. Mouth going dry, Cloud turned in the man's arms. The sight of the ex-SOLDIER's damp eyes was his undoing.

Wrapping his own arms tentatively around Zack's torso, he wept. All of the chaos and confusion he had been feeling since seeing the man alive released themselves in the bittersweet tears. Relentless fear that had been plaguing him since Zack's "death" didn't so much wash away as they just faded; he knew it would still be in the forefront of his mind but, for now, he was free.

Wiping his eyes shakily, Cloud finally looked up. Subtle tear tracks marred Zack's face—a testament that the turmoil was shared. "You either," Cloud said, finally. At the slight confusion on the ex-SOLDIER's face, he clarified. "You can't disappear, either. You're not alone, Zack." Realization showed in Zack's eyes and a hopeful expression lit up his face. Cupping Cloud's cheek in one gloved hand, he positively glowed. He offered the blonde a gentle smile.

"No, I'm not."


End file.
